


Bigger & Betta

by Haldane



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Tony is a Fish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:12:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haldane/pseuds/Haldane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is a fish.  Steve is also a fish.  Inspired by AnonEhouse's <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1120246l">Betta Than Ever</a>, and a comment where she discussed what happens when two male fighting fish get into the same tank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnonEhouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Betta than Ever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120246) by [AnonEhouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse). 



Tony was drifting along, nowhere in particular, when he detected a minute change in the water. His elegantly languid dorsal fin snapped to a more rigid stance (the equivalent of a scowl in a _betta splendens_ ). 

"Dammit, if that stupid human in charge of my living arrangements has let the filter get dirty again..." he complained as he swam over to the water recycling unit in one corner. A quick inspection showed no problems there, and he was just about to return to his favorite thinking spot when he caught a glimpse of color out of the corner of his eye.

Every nerve jumped to high alert as he barrelled over to an unknown betta - _ha, the source of the water change, for sure!_ \- and began headbutting him.

"My tank. My tank. Tony's. Get out, you piscine bundle of muscles..." Tony's voice died off as he got a better look at the newcomer. That was one big betta, at least half again Tony's weight, and in absolutely perfect condition.

_But his tail's not as red,_ Tony thought. _Definitely not as red. Probably not. Maybe not._

He carefully avoided checking his own tail, just in case.

"Hi, I'm Cap," the new fish said, extending a perfect fin.

"No, no, noooo, you can't be here, go away, mine, mine," Tony chanted, while frantically trying to get between Cap and the north side of the tank. _That_ side.

"Hey, no need to fuss. I wasn't going to fight you," Cap protested, all gleamy scales and amiability. Which didn't make Tony feel any better. No pun intended.

"Go away. Don't be here."

"Why not? Oh -" Cap's eyes widened and his mouth gaped open. "That is one _classy_ lady!"

Tony resolutely didn't look at the other tank, not seeing the swirl of orange and gold there. "No! Bad Cap! Mine!" he shouted, and headbutted the oblivious newcomer again.

"I'm sorry," Cap said, tearing his eyes away from the other tank. "I didn't know she was your girl."

"Why do you think I keep saying 'mine'?" Tony asked, exasperated. "You think I'm trying to claim the gravel in here or something?"

"Hey, it's okay. Can't we just be friends? I haven't had a friend for ages," Cap said wistfully. "Besides..."

"Besides what?" Tony asked with suspicion.

"If we keep fighting, the human will have to take me out of this tank. And since there's only one other tank in here, I guess I'd have to go in that one."

Tony stopped dead in the middle of another charge - no mean achievement for a fish - and gave the situation some thought. Which was hard with another male betta over _here_ and Pepper over _there_ , but he managed.

"How do you feel about a temporary cessation of hostilities?" Tony asked, swallowing a few gulps of water to try and make himself look larger. "Since, after all, if we keep fighting I would totally plaster you all over the glass."

"Sure, Tony, I'd like that," Cap said, earnestly. 

Tony flipped his tail jauntily in response, definitely _not_ looking over his shoulder to see if his defeat of the bigger fish had impressed Pepper. One could always hope.


	2. Chapter 2

Six weeks later:

Cap slapped at a bit of weed with his fin, propelling it towards Tony. Tony calculated the trajectory of the weed and was moving into position to hit it back when it danced aside, pulled by an eddy in the water.

"No fair! I was totally going to get that!" Tony objected.

"Look!" Cap tilted upwards, where a clear plastic bag was being lowered into the water. A small, rather unremarkable brown-gray fish was inside.

"Hey, more friends!" Tony said, swimming around the bag intently. "Do you think we should bust him out of there?"

"Better leave it alone," Cap said. "He'll be let out when the temperature of his water is the same as ours."

"Boring," Tony pouted.

After a couple of hours the new fish was tipped gently from the bag to swim free inside the tank. Cap and Tony promptly swam over for introductions.

""I'm Tony, this is Cap," Tony said, "Who are you?"

"I'm Bruce," the new fish said, a little shyly. "It's... nice to meet you."

"We were just playing weed tennis," Tony said. "Want to join in?"

"No, I'll just watch if you don't mind."

"Ah, that's no fun! C'mon!" Tony pulled his famous headbutting maneuver.

"Uh, Tony," Cap started, feeling a little uneasy, as if he should remember something important, "he's a -" 

WHOOMPH!

"Puffer fish," Cap concluded just a little too late.

**Author's Note:**

> Typo prompt:  
> Crack: Tony is a betta .  
> Prompted by someone's misspelling of 'beta'. Tony is transformed into a member of the species _betta splendens_ , a three inch, brightly-coloured freshwater tropical fish. A red and gold one.
> 
> Tony looks like this: http://www.bettafish.biz/data/image/betta-rong-vang/betta-rong-vang-gold-dragon-8.jpg  
> Cap looks like this : http://www.simply-atte.net/holidays-2/happy-4th-of-july/


End file.
